OK! Let's Refocus!

I have to admit, the past few days posting my story got me a little blue....remembering all the details broke my heart all over again.  I guess it is good to do that once in awhile.

But now I am done and looking forward. AGAIN :-)

I am very excited about what the next few months has in store.  I am doing what I love and my business is growing.  Every morning is really a new adventure and I am so excited to get started everyday.

My workouts have slipped a bit due to my hyperextending my "bad" shoulder in Yoga. YIKES! I took a class my friend was teaching.  It is always so nice to be the STUDENT once in awhile!  I was all warmed up from my regular workout and went a bit to deep in one of the poses.  It happens.  So I had to take a few days off to let that heal.  I might try today, but I am definitely NOT going to push it.  I teach Zumba tonight and walk Snickers, so it isn't like I am being a complete couch potato!

Nashville is in two weeks and I am SO excited.  It has been SO LONG since I have taken a trip out of town, and now I am plying across the country.  This is business AND fun: Beachbody Summit! Training, Personal Development and workouts with celebrity trainers...the best part is being with my team and just enjoying being with thousands of people with the same vision: Ending th trend of obesity in America.  It is very exciting work and I love every minute of it.

I am also looking forward to the very real possibility of working in the Sacramento area immediately after that :-)  Coaching my clients via Facebook, text, FaceTime, etc AND teaching live Yoga and mini retreats to small groups while I am there.  It will be a lot of work, but a lot of fun.

Ok...that's it for the update and more POSITIVE notes :-) 

ONWARD! UPWARD!

On the Move Again

So Life is.....life.

One day at a time.

Rick is "promoted" but still doesn't have 40 hrs a week.

My business is growing, but is still at an infant stage, while I teach Zumba and Yoga and open the ladies' gym a few days a week.

I worry about Nathaniel.  He has gone back to school, still working 2 jobs and has moved in with a different friend.  Still not a optimal environment for positive life planning, but he is doing the best he can.  I have offered the sofa here to him, but he explained "once you are out, it is hard to give up that freedom."  I get it.  We ARE Mom and Dad and we will always have "rules".

Whenever I get melancholy now, I just reach for Rick's hand and say "I like my life with you. I like it here. We'll be ok."

And so it went for 18 months.

The first of June we came home to a note on the door from the owners of the rental we are in.  Apologetically they gave us 60 days to move. Rick's sister and her husband (the owner's son) have hit another rough patch in their relationship and I assume they need the house for him. 

AND THAT'S OK :-)

Hey, I can totally respect that!  These people have been nothing but fantastic to us and really helped out in our darkest hour.  I would do the EXACT same thing for my kids! MY FAMILY COMES FIRST TOO :-)  They told us they would give us an excellent reference and for that I am truly grateful...because we'll need it....we are right back to Square One .

3x's the rent as income....you can't rent ANYTHING around here for under $1800 per month....

We can buy another house with Rick's VA Loan...but we aren't sure we want to stay here once Izzy graduates next year....

...but a mortgage is a helluva lot cheaper than paying a very high rent on a crappy property...

Sooooooo......here we are.  We've had absolutely no luck finding a place.  Either they have already been rented, we don't make enough to qualify, or they don't allow pets.  Scrapper died shortly before the foreclosure.  Snickers is part of the family, old and is non-negotiable.

I told Rick to buy a camper or a van...we'll live at the beach and everyone can kiss my ass....LOL....I was serious.  But I have Izzy to think about....

One more year, and I swear, my life will look like a Pacifico commercial.  Living at the beach, braiding hair, and teaching Yoga.  Paso Robles can continue to kill oak trees for wine, pretentiously price gouge locals in the name of tourism, etc. but I'll have no part of it...mostly because it will have no part of me. The past 18 months have proven that.

My situation does not define me.

What you think of me does not define me.
The car I drive does not define me.
Just because others say I am not "qualified" does not disqualify me.

If for some reason we cannot find a place before July 28th our family, once again, will be disjointed for awhile.  Izzy and I will head up to my sister's house up north (I can work from ANYWHERE with Beachbody). Rick will stay here and continue to work and save and look for a place. He has family here. Hopefully they can put him up for a couple of weeks (it is easier for one to sofa surf.). I will get a long term sub for my Zumba classes and hope I won't be gone for long.  I have already given notice at my Yoga classes.

I am building my New American Dream.

Settling In

So the temporary housing actually turned into a place we started to settle into.  We were told by the owners that their Spring reservation had cancelled and that we could stay in this perfect little cottage for awhile.  They seemed to like having us here because we are quiet, pay our bills and pretty much keep to ourselves. 

We are busy working out part-time jobs and getting Izzy where she needs to be for all of her activities.  Teenagers are busy, and this one doesn't drive yet :-)  I spend A LOT  of time in "Mom's Taxi" and I really don't mind.  I am able to work my Beachbody business ANYWHERE and I am truly enjoying it.  I am helping people while working around everyone's crazy schedule.....it's really is fantastic!

Christmas was tough.  I am not going to lie.  Remember, all of our personal affects are in storage except for our work clothes and the items Izzy needs as a teenage girl.

We tossed our Griswold size Christmas Tree...it has been loved hard with all of our homemade decorations over the past 25-30 years (we have four children, so we've been Mommy and Daddy a long time ;-) ). I did save all of my decorations, but they were in storage and we really didn't have room for a tree like we were use to.

I went to Rite Aid and purchased a little artificial tree complete with decorations for  $15.  I tried to make it an event for the whole family, but our hearts just weren't in it.  I think it took 30 seconds to assemble.  I bought some beer and told Nathaniel to come down the street to help decorate it.

They took turns placing the unfamiliar plastic ornaments on this little plastic tree.  My heart was breaking, but once they finished I couldn't believe how beautiful it was. 

I was crying over this little crappy tree and they looked at me like I was nuts.

What else is new?

I continued my workouts here in this tiny little abode, continued to see results, grew my business, surrounded myself with amazing people and got to work killing my limiting beliefs....

Did my situation still suck?  Yeah...a little...but I was learning things could be worse and different isn't bad, it's just uncomfortable for awhile...

The Landing

We were literally down to the wire.  We had absolutely NO lead on a rental property, because living in Paso Robles is expensive. Rent is easily 3 times the amount of a modest mortgage payment.  I am not kidding you.  Shitty little apartments and crappy houses....sometimes with no central air for $2,000-$3,000 per month.  No joke.  And to top that off, if you can't prove you make 3 times the rent in a month, you don't qualify.

Yeah.  Fucking ridiculous.

We had one property manager tell us when applying for a 3 bedroom house that they would *wink* at our income if we didn't have teenagers....because teenagers are expensive (at the time we were desperately seeking a place for the four of us...my son was working fulltime AND going to school at Cuesta and my daughter is in high school).

Ummmmmm.....huh?
A roof is a priority. Like, the first bill to be paid. What the hell?

LOL.
I can laugh now.

No I can't.

Because my son had taken to sofa surfing with friends while we sought housing.  Family offered us temporary (emphasis on temporary) lodging, but since Nathaniel was an *adult* (18....going to school full time....and working) he could find somewhere else to stay. No lie.  I can understand that kind of "help with stipulations" if we had proven ourselves to be untrustworthy, opportunistic or irresponsible, but we have NEVER asked friends or family for ANYTHING.  We have always taken care of our own and done "the right thing".  This broke my heart and really angered me. I swallowed the lump of anger in my throat and said "Thank you, but we are staying together as a family."

It was almost the midnight hour when Rick's sister remembered that her in-laws had a vacation rental in Atascadero, went to bat for us and put a roof over our heads for a couple of months.  It really was a miracle and I will forever be thankful to Cindi, her husband and her in-laws for giving us this breathing room.  The little pace was fully furnished (we no longer had furniture...remember we had to abandon big stuff at the house) and we had a couple of months now to continue our search.  Nathaniel was staying with a friend just down the street from us, but had to quit school and get a second job to pay bills.  My heart ached for him....for us...but at east we were on the same street.

The Move

It was a rainy Halloween.  The last night we would spend in the house we raised our family.  Everything we could pack was now in wet boxes across town in a mini storage.  All of our furniture except 2 cabinets that Rick's grandfather hand crafted would be abandoned at the house along with Rick's Camaro and motorcycle because we didn't have time, money, people or resources to store and/or move them. 

Oh sure, we received a lot "prayers" and "thoughts" and "well wishes", but no real hands on, real life HELP. What does the Bible say?  "Faith without Works is Dead."?  Yeah, thanks for the prayers....grab that box and take it to the truck....help me find a place for my kids to sleep.....bring us Subway while we pack up our lives, literally, and wonder what the hell we are going to do TOMORROW.

LOL.
I can laugh now.

No I can't.

Because up until then that is people I had surrounded myself with. 

We were in this ALONE.

As the last wet box was squeezed onto the U-Haul to make the final trip to storage, I walked around the house one last time.  I looked up at the glow-in-the-dark stars plastering the Master Bedroom's ceiling....every night before falling to sleep I would say to Rick:

"Babe....look how beautiful the stars are tonight....." .

I wouldn't say that on this night.

I walked to each of the empty bedrooms my kids laughed and fought in and I thanked the walls for sheltering them, suffering through all of the scotch tape, tacks, posters, thuds from toys and friends....I looked at the stained carpet (something I complained about A LOT) and cried.  It was ugly.  It was mine.  Deep in it's fibers was my family's life.  I closed the doors and walked down the hall to where I recorded the kids height each year as they grew with a #2 pencil.....where they ever that small?

My hand stayed on that wall a long time....I closed my eyes and tried to remember every holiday, every graduation, every meal, every joke, every fight, every giggle under that roof.....15 years....

Finally my hand slid away.  I walked out the door and never looked back.

The Control

Literally days before we lost our house, a week at the most, I had this hair-brained idea.

Obviously having NO LUCK nailing down a fulltime position ANYWHERE that I applied for 2 years, I was killing myself teaching multiple Zumba Classes and Yoga classes in addition to the hit and miss Personal Training and my dwindling hours at a local Ladies' gym.  I was promoting a TurboKick class and struggling with some of the choreography, so I went to YouTube to find some help.

There I found two very energetic and fun girls Sara and Cassie) executing the "round" I was struggling with and it all clicked.  I sent them a private message thanking them and continued on with everything I was doing.

It wasn't long until Sara responded and we became fast friends.  She told me a about herself, but I shared very little.  What did I have to offer anyone?  Through our chats I discovered that she was a Beachbody coach and she invited me to her Challenge group.  I had a bootleg copy of P90X that I loved and had seen results with, but never finished (I hate Kenpo). I took her up on her offer, purchased PiYo and had a lot of fun. 

Now, I wasn't new to exercise or "dieting".  I'd been a Personal Trainer and Sports Nutrition Specialist for years. I was surprised at how well designed the Beachbody Workouts and Nutrition Plans are.  It was no joke, this was the real deal!

I loved PiYo, but I had my eyes on Body Beast for a few years and it happened: By watching Sara lead her challenge group, encourage them, help them with their struggles with nutrition, hold them accountable, remind them of their goals, stay home with her 4 kids, getting in shape herself  WHILE EARNING A FULL TIME INCOME on part time hours, I knew I could do the same.

I love helping people improve their health.  That is why I became a Personal Trainer. But the number of people you can help is limited because most people want to train AFTER WORK when I wanted to be home with my family...ON THE WEEKENDS when I wanted to be with my kids.....and honestly, unless you are Jillian Michaels, the pay isn't great, especially for those hours. What's your family time worth?

Rick listened patiently while I told him my plan:  I was going to become a Beachbody Coach, get great results with Body Beast and start my own business. I knew I could do it.

He said "Go for it. We've got nothing to lose."

Well, sort of.  About a week later our house was gone.  We were devastated  We had two kids home at the time and they were scared.  We were scared.

We worked with the new owners to rent out house for 60 days so we could find something.  We started packing and purging...and I started Body Beast.

Everything was out of our hands...completely out of control.  The only thing I could control was ME. My Challenge Pack arrived and I was ALL IN.

It is hard to find BEFORE photos, because when you don't feel good in your skin, you don't like it in photos....but here are a couple plus my official BEFORE photos....

I have NEVER shared this BEHIND photo...until now.

*GULP*

I literally did my Body Beast workouts in the midst of boxes packed full of my past.  Everything I owned was in a box, except for the TV, DVD player and my workout cd's.  It was depressing.  But it kept me sane and gave me something POSITIVE to work on everyday....

...and it worked....

I needed something at that time in my life, and Beachbody provided it: Personal Development, Exercise, Nutrition AND a groups of people who respected me, my situation and my personal goals with no judgement....only encouragement and 'round the clock (literally) support and understanding.  It also provided me an opportunity to make an income without age discrimination, fear of lost hours, and the ability to advance at a rate I am comfortable with and that works with me and my family...all while doing what I love to do! Coach and train people to a healthier and happier lifestyle through fitness.

The trials and tribulations continued, but I was now stronger both physically and mentally to handle the days to come......

The Shift

The American Dream....

You eat your vegetables, go to church on Sunday, get good grades....
You get a degree or a job, meet "The One", get married, have 2.5 children....
You buy a house, pay for little league, braces, birth control....
You keep up with The Jones'.
You plan your retirement, save money for "later", work your ass off for 20 years and then retire to Florida to live out your Golden Years and enjoy the "fruits of your labor".


Yeah?  Maybe for Mom and Dad of the 1950's.

This is how it went down for me:

I ate my veggies.
I got married my best friend.
Had four beautiful kids.
Everyone was in church every Sunday, active and faithful.
Paid for Little League, braces and birth control (my own).
Bought two homes,
Survived two corporate moves,
Never missed a mortgage payment of property taxes.

I even had dogs and a station wagon.

I was living the American Dream, right?

Right.

That is until the company that my husband worked for 15 years and moved us twice closed unexpectedly and really changed the canvas of our lives forever....add that to the housing finance fiasco and we took a hit that, honestly, I didn't think we'd come out of. We lost the home we raised our family in to foreclosure.

Read without prejudice, because we weren't one of the many "underqualified  borrowers".  What happened to us put us in a very interesting niche.  We didn't qualify for any aid in saving our house like you heard many others did. Why?  Because we weren't "upside down" on it.  We never missed a payment and we were never late on property taxes.


Indy Mac sold our loan to a bank called Equine.  Equine did not honor the terms of the loan we had made with Indy Mac and refused to work with us.

Yes.  THAT HAPPENED.

In a desperate attempt to find a way to keep our house, we hired a lawyer to block the sale of our home each month to buy us time.  This was not a cheap service, but we did it. What choice did we have?  Until one month the lawyer MISSED the sale date to block and the house was sold.

GONE.

It has been almost three years and we are STILL trying to recover.  We went through our savings trying to save the damn house....my husband was unemployed and working part time jobs. I was doing my best to take care of my kids, work as a Personal Trainer and Group Fitness Instructor (which, by the way, pays next to nothing.  It certainly doesn't pay any bills). 

My husband is STILL working only part-time, because that is how companies do it now to save on benefits.  I interviewed for two years for full time jobs I am MORE than qualified to do only to see them handed to 20-somethings. Something else companies do to save money, because youth is ignorant and you can't push a 50 yo around too much. Yes, ageism is real.  You can argue my opinion, but you cannot argue my experience.

So what do you do when you literally come to the end of your rope?
Well, you can:

1) Let go

2) Tie a noose and hang yourself.

3) Or make a Shift and see it as an ESCAPE.
An escape from limiting beliefs and what society sees as "acceptable".
You take complete control of your shit and own it....and then do something about it.


The world owes us NOTHING, people will hurt you and break promises and the government sure doesn't give a shit about my house or my kids (the auto industry, though......)

Letting Go and The Noose were never an option.  I have beautiful children who need their momma AND I still have A LOT to offer.

There had to be a Shift.

...and so I shifted from doing everything that was expected of me as a "productive citizen" (The American Dream crap) and said:

FUCK the house.
FUCK the jobs.
FUCK the Jones'.
FUCK The "American Dream" that we've been force fed through TV, newspapers, magazine, Church and good ol' Mom and Dad.
FUCK what's expected
FUCK society and it's norms
FUCK ALL OF IT because it can disappear in an instant.

IN AN INSTANT FOLKS.

Right here...in My Life....There's a New Sheriff in Town.
I'm defining My Life from now on.  Don't like it? Don't care.

It's Time for The New American Dream.